NOT OF THIS UNIVERSE

Some people with various unseen disorders, cannot link up to the modern universe.  It may be a numerology thing.  The numbers that we are trying to calculate, or link up to are wrong.  So that is why everything always goes wrong, for us.  We cannot fit into a universe, that eternally misunderstands the lonely.  The world seems to carry on, regardless of the shy and quiet.  It's like you are trapped inside an unseen bubble.  This bubble always follows you around.  You are constantly stuck inside this structure.

I have often asked myself, why nothing goes right in my life.  And when I have found some sort of answer.  Along comes one or even more problems to knock me down.  My last bunch of blogs were somehow lost to cyber-nowhere.  Facebook blocked me, because I was too Autistic in my attitudes.  I also believe they were just being prejudice against me.  Just because I was too dark in my poetic words.

I think it runs even more deeper than that.  I find myself talking to people.  But I sometimes wonder, if they are really listening to me at all.  I am very good at certain things.  But I am often told a load of bullshit, by those that have jobs.  Does having a job give anyone the right, to treat the unemployed less favourably?  And I also feel as if my talents, are not really being recognised one bit.  I cannot connect with modern society.  I find friendships very complicated.  Even trying to start a friendship, is just way too much for me to cope with.  I am speaking to people.  But are the words really coming out of my mouth?

Many things in my own life have failed dramatically.  But not my interest in Goth.  That is something no-one could ever takeaway from me.  I seem to work good.  If I am just left to my own little devices that I've got.  I cannot go out to pubs/nightclubs.  As the music is just too horrendously OTT.  There needs to be better places for us uncertain people.  I am very uncertain about this modern universe.  I do not connect to it well enough, in order to merrit a second chance.  According to most of those that can fit in perfectly.  Am I allowed a second chance?  NO! 

All the mistakes you made in the past.  They are still there in some form or other.  And many accepted people can seem to know/see this.  They sense the apprehensions of a very unhappy childhood.  So they stop calling around to see you, after a short while.  They lose interest in you.  And they're soon off galavanting around, with their circle of friends instead.  They totally shut you out of their lives/eyesight.  That is until they want something off you.  When they need a quick fix.  You become their ideal meal-ticket for easy information.  And this information is soon used against you. 

Yes, it is a numerology thing.  The numbers of our individual lives, do not correspond with their cheap and simple ways.  It's like I become a character that is a billion miles from earth.  Even though I am speaking so clearly and precisely.  Yet the world of the living zombies do not hear me at all.  They do not see me either.  And they do not fully comprehend my ideals either.  Even though I have spoken in great attentive detail.